Dave Caolo » star wars http://davecaolo.com Wed, 07 Sep 2011 21:17:22 +0000 en hourly 1 http://wordpress.org/?v=3.3.2 The 70-minute review of The Phantom Menace http://davecaolo.com/recreation/the-70-minute-review-of-the-phantom-menace/ http://davecaolo.com/recreation/the-70-minute-review-of-the-phantom-menace/#comments Sat, 19 Dec 2009 00:38:17 +0000 Dave http://davecaolo.com/?p=2353

Every science fiction fan in their mid-thirties has a deep, almost pathological affection for Star Wars. While sitting in the theater as 6- and 7-year-olds, we surrendered ourselves to George Lucas’s universe like a post-coital praying mantis.

The Empire Strikes Back and Return of the Jedi* delivered on their promises of bigger and better Star Wars and a satisfying conclusion to the story. There were rumors of three more movies. Fifteen years passed with nothing and then, in 1999, The Phantom Menace was released. Finally, after nearly two decades, we were to be rewarded.

To say that we left the theater disappointed is like saying the sun is a little hot. I’ve tried to express the weight of this let down before, but I’ve never done it as well as some guy from Milwaukee, WI. You’ll be tempted to turn this off at first, but please don’t. Watch all 70 minutes. It’s fantastic and 100% accurate. Click below to watch all 7 segments of this epic rant.

*OK, so Jedi cheesed out a bit with the Ewoks. But we were willing to let that go in light of the first two.

]]> http://davecaolo.com/recreation/the-70-minute-review-of-the-phantom-menace/feed/ 0 The Lucas-ization of Star Trek has begun http://davecaolo.com/rants/the-lucas-ization-of-star-trek-has-begun/ http://davecaolo.com/rants/the-lucas-ization-of-star-trek-has-begun/#comments Sat, 11 Apr 2009 01:08:32 +0000 Dave http://davecaolo.com/?p=1585 The once mighty Star Wars galaxy has become a parody of itself, largely in part to shamelss, incessant merchandising. I can’t respect a franchise that’s so obviously used as a cash grab.

The folks at Spyglass must have the same goal for Star Trek movie as their marketing eruption gets underway. I’m sure I’ll be completely turned off by May.

]]> http://davecaolo.com/rants/the-lucas-ization-of-star-trek-has-begun/feed/ 0 The Clone Wars gets torn to shreds http://davecaolo.com/recreation/the-clone-wars-gets-torn-to-shreds/ http://davecaolo.com/recreation/the-clone-wars-gets-torn-to-shreds/#comments Wed, 13 Aug 2008 13:33:52 +0000 Dave http://davecaolo.com/?p=462 The folks at Ain’t It Cool News were forced to remove their negative reivew of The Clone Wars by Lucasfilm, but Valleywag has reprinted it. Hop over and read it while you can.

It’s the most viciously negative review I’ve ever read, and confirms my beliefs about Lucas and Star Wars. The guy doesn’t know how to make good movies.

He exhausted all of his talent on A New Hope. Empire and Jedi weren’t directed by Lucas, and were decent. The three most recent films — plus the Lucas-enhanced versions of the originals — were big budget showcases for his non-talent.

According to Ain’t It Cool, Lucas adopted the animation style of Genndy’s Clone Wars mini series and nothing else. The soul and edge that made the mini series work have been replaced with mindless battles (and lots of them), stupid jokes that would annoy a 5-year-old and characters “…worse than Jar-Jar” (hint: Jabba’s son is named “Stinky.” Do the math).

Star Wars is dead. I mean dead. The shameless marketing and mindless films are the bastardization of the entire franchise. Screw it.

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