Every science fiction fan in their mid-thirties has a deep, almost pathological affection for Star Wars. While sitting in the theater as 6- and 7-year-olds, we surrendered ourselves to George Lucas’s universe like a post-coital praying mantis.
The Empire Strikes Back and Return of the Jedi* delivered on their promises of bigger and better Star Wars and a satisfying conclusion to the story. There were rumors of three more movies. Fifteen years passed with nothing and then, in 1999, The Phantom Menace was released. Finally, after nearly two decades, we were to be rewarded.
To say that we left the theater disappointed is like saying the sun is a little hot. I’ve tried to express the weight of this let down before, but I’ve never done it as well as some guy from Milwaukee, WI. You’ll be tempted to turn this off at first, but please don’t. Watch all 70 minutes. It’s fantastic and 100% accurate. Click below to watch all 7 segments of this epic rant.
*OK, so Jedi cheesed out a bit with the Ewoks. But we were willing to let that go in light of the first two.
