This is the first in a monthly series of posts intended to review my experiences in 2008, one month at a time.
January’s lesson: “The simplest way to make a coyote is to learn how to make dust and then put a coyote on it.”
2008 began with my 37th birthday. I received some great gifts, including a Jesus Christ I’m Forty And Still Can’t Get My Shit Together, a You’re Not Forty But Close Enough, a When Will I Be Able To Just Buy A Damn Concert Ticket Without Having To Save Up First and, from my wife, a Please Stop Dressing Like A Homeless Teenage Runaway Because You’re 40 Now And Stop Sucking In Your Stomach Because You Aren’t Fooling Anyone.
So that was good.
Last October, my coworkers and I were told that we’d be jobless by December of ’08. In January, that date moved to July. Today, it looks like June. After going through all the stages of Maslow’s Hierarchy of Holy Shit I Just Lost My Fucking Job, I set up an appointment with a career counselor. If you haven’t done this, you should. It’s kind of like therapy; you sit in a clean, well-lit room with jade plants and Asian artwork and talk with a bookish woman who is infinitely smarter than yourself but does a good job of not letting on that she knows it.
In a few weeks, I learned some incredible things.
- Work and fun needn’t be mutually exclusive. I was raised to believe that work is what one does to pay bills; something to be endured, not enjoyed. My parents were vocal about hating their jobs and I’ve pretty much hated all the jobs I’ve had (though it’s difficult to enjoy scrubbing spent oil off of the floor of a Sunoco garage at 11:00 PM).
- Having a job isn’t the same as finding work. When you’ve got a job, you expend the least amount of effort possible to ensure a paycheck. A job stifles creativity and potential benefit for the employer. A person who is finding work actively creates opportunities, situations and projects that benefit himself as well as others. The opportunity for creativity and fulfillment surge.
- The 9-5, 40 hour work week is dead. In my father’s day, you worked for a given company for 35 years, got the gold watch and then retired. That was your career. Today, that model is out the window. A person’s career is her collected body of work. Consider your career as a student. It starts in pre-school with crayons and singing and ends in college or graduate school. That’s quite a difference! But the same career.
- The Blueberry Creme Frappuccino at Starbucks is the greatest thing I’ve ever had in my mouth. Seriously, have you tried one of these? If something tastes this good…hell, I’ll take the pot belly.
My children continue to age. The boy is now two and the girl is four. They say that a person’s personality is pretty much intact by the time they reach 5 years of age, so the girl is set to rule a third world country with an iron fist. Her favorite activity is grabbing her brother’s T-shirt at the neck and pulling him forcibly to the ground.
She’s very good manipulating me into giving her several snacks per day, yet she’s utterly unable to flush the toilet, evidenced by the small piles of “raisins” I find in there time and again.
Two couples I know are having marital trouble, and it’s sad and scary. I’m usually the last one to go to sleep at night, and when I sneak into the kitchen to get an iced tea (and pretend it’s a Blueberry Creme Frappuccino…seriously, you really need to order one), I’ll go into my kids’ bedrooms and just watch them sleep. My girl with the stuffed cow I won for her at Hershey Park before she was even born; my boy’s little blond head barely visible beneath the fleece Hot Wheels blanket.
I feel so much love for them, and for my wife. As a mother, a full-time teacher and a partner she is unbeatable. After 10 years together, I love her even more than the first day I saw that summer sun shine right through her flimsy dress, giving me a glimpse of what the Good Lord had given her.
Speaking of The Lord, I made some spiritual gains as well (I know, right?!), thanks to one of my great heroes, Chuck Jones.
A few weeks ago I came across this video of Chuck sketching Wile E. Coyote. It’s cool to watch him draw, and even more fun to listen to him narrate the process. For instance, Chuck said that he likes to draw Wile E. with a fork in his hand, “…just in case.” What an optimist. He also said something that made me stop in my tracks.
“The simplest way to make a coyote is learn how to make dust and then put a coyote on it.”
Of course. When I learned about my company closing, and my friends’ troubled marriages, I panicked. “I need the perfect marriage and job. Now.” I thought. I immediately sought the security of a 9 to 5, widget-cranking job, just to keep the paychecks coming. So, I networked. I emailed people I knew, tossed business cards around and so on.
Then I started to re-think my attitude about work. I actively sought out like-minded individuals. I built a small community of people I really like, creating real relationships with them.
Meanwhile, I talked to my wife directly and honestly. “How are we? How are you? What can I do? Let’s name one cute thing the kids did each day before bed.”
Then things started to happen. Some work here. A job there. A friendship, a colleague and a new experience. My wife has told me that she feels better about our marriage now more than ever, and I feel the same way.
I had kicked up the dust, and put the coyote on top with no effort at all. I had never made a coyote before, but it sure was easy to do.
Here’s to a great February. Thanks for reading.
Now go kick up some dust.
Thanks to 37signals for pointing out the Chuck Jones clip.
This is an excellent post. Most excellent.
Thanks, Whit!
Ditto what Whit said! This must be the new, positive, empowered Dave. Nice to read.
Thanks again, Jason. As Sting says in the song I’m So Happy I Can’t Stop Crying, “Everybody’s got to leave that darkness sometime.”
Kicking up dust is scary and fun, and the best way I can think of to live one’s life. If you’re shoes are really clean, you’re probably no fun!