Hardcore Geek

At Bat, one of my favorite iPhone apps, had been updated to include post-season info.

I will very gladly pay for the ‘09 version.

This financial crisis is real. What did I hear from our leaders when I tuned on the news tonight? Partisan whining and finger pointing.

Enough. When the Titanic is sinking, you don’t stop to yell at the iceberg.

We can worry about the iceberg later. Right now it’s time to get off the damn boat. Stop pouting like 7-year-olds and fix this.

Fort Mill, S.C. Mayor Danny Funderburk sent a chain email to people he knows to “…get documentation if there was any scripture to back up” his idea that Obama is the anti-christ. “I am curious about current events and their connection to the Bible,” he said.

America, we’re screwed.

Congratulations to the New York Times on this wonderful, interactive timeline of the 1st Presidential debate. Very well done.

Nails it.

I was chatting with a fellow Cape Codder just moments ago. We’ll call this person “Francis.” I’ve known Francis for a while. Years, in fact. Francis is in his mid 30’s like me and works for himself in the service industry. We got on the topic of his website and then blogs. Here’s what Francis said, I swear to God.

“I heard about that, but I don’t really know what it is.”

I don’t know what the hell is going on here on Cape Cod, but I intend to fix it with my last breath. How in the WORLD can a Gen-X business owner in the service industry not know what a blog is?

There is a cloud of technological ignorance in permanent residence over Cape Cod. I’ve been willing to ignore it for years but for the love of all that is Holy I can’t anymore. We’ve got to change this, people.

Not with stupid “The Top Ten Reasons Why Your Business Needs A Weblog” posts or other such nonsense that one one’s going to read anyway, or another Twitter account just for the sake of creating a Twitter account or another Facebook account that’s going to sit and do NOTHING for months except prompt its owner to say, “We never get anything out of that Facebook website.”

So what, then? Well, I don’t know yet. But we’re going to figure it out. Do you want to sell 10 T-shirts or do you want to sell an assload? Do you want to beckon nameless, faceless guests to your inn or do you want to welcome the couple from Scotland you’ve been chatting with for weeks online?

Do you want to test your new beta with the nine people in your family or do want a laundry list of 40 or 50 eager blog readers tripping over themselves to get an invite?

I’m not saying abandon your scrimshaw and cribbage boards. I’m saying find that Scrimshaw Lover’s Group that meets on the 2nd Tuesday of each month in Portland, Oregon and become their go-to, hands-down, de-facto source of information.

You say you oversee the annual herring run in Brewster, which no one on earth besides you finds interesting? Bullshit. BULL FREAKING SHIT. There are people all over the planet who would go freaking APE for pictures, videos and first-hand stories on your experiences with that annual event. APE.

Don’t tell me “I’m stupid with the computer” because that phrase makes me livid. “The Computer” (why do people say that, anyway? As if there were ONE computer that we all took turns using) is just a tool. It’s no different than a hammer or a blender or a commemorative statuette of Liberty. It’s plastic and metal. A machine. A tool. Can you use a lemon reamer without burning the house down? Than you can use your computer. In fact, there is absolutely NO reason why you can’t be as effective with yours as I am with mine.

The best part? No one on Cape Cod - including Francis - will read this. No matter. Back broken. Fire lit. Fuse buring. I’m coming, so look out.

The first time I saw David on TV, he was performing magic tricks for people on the street. The tricks were very entertaining, and Dave played the “supernatural weird guy” persona well. I liked him right away.

Today, he’s abandoned magic for these silly stunts. As I type this, he’s hanging upside-down in Manhattan for one reason or another. Honestly, I don’t care. And that’s because there’s nothing at stake. The whole thing will culminate in a prime-time TV special, after which they’ll tear down the scaffolding and everyone will go home.

The result of success is no different than the result of failure, so there’s no reason to get emotionally involved. It’s like watching a sporting event between two teams you’ve never heard of.

I wish he’d return to tossing playing cards into beer bottles. At least that was fun.

Apple, please don’t fix this bug.

Here are the lucky apps chosen to live on my iPhone’s 1st page. What are yours?

The Bill Gates/Jerry Seinfeld Microsoft ads will stop running as of today. I guess I was wrong.

Instead, Microsoft is running new ads featuring an actor who looks and dresses just like John Hodgman’s PC character, saying, “Hello, I’m a PC, and I’ve been made into a stereotype.”

Celebrity cameos continue (without Seinfeld), including Bill Gates, Eva Longoria and Deepak Chopra. More importantly, the ads feature real-world Windows users who are the antithesis of the Hodgman character. One user states “I’m a PC” (via a white board) while scuba diving inside a shark cage.

It aims to turn a perceived negative — “being” a PC — into a positive. That’s the specialty of Crispin Porter & Bogusky, the agency behind the ads. And that’s a switch that Microsoft must flip in consumers’ minds.

Apple has defined Microsoft for many with the “Get A Mac” ads, and now they’re trying to take their brand back by parading real customers in front of the camera. Windows users are not out-of-touch nerds who love their Excel spreadsheets as they do their own mother, they’re shark-diving scientists.

As for the “old” ads, Microsoft claims they intended to drop Jerry from the beginning, so we assume that Phase I, the Seinfeld ads, were meant to get people talking in preparation for Phase II. Still, they barely ran for two weeks and cost $10 million (Seinfeld’s take). That’s one hell of a conversation starter.

While better than the Seinfeld ads, the new ones have a schoolyard feel to me. I think of the kid who, after being called a nerd by his peers, can only reply with “AM NOT!”