We could really use a ladder right about now.

I’m picky about horror films. As a teenager, I watched slashers. Friday the 13th, Freddy Kruger and so on. They have their place, but they illustrate the difference between being scared and being startled.

When the bad guy jumps out of the dark with his machete swinging, we’re startled. When the undead little girl emgerges from the well with her black hair covering her face, we’re scared.

I prefer to be scared.

Here’s a list of some of my favorite scary movies, in no particular order, as well as a few I haven’t seen yet. Feel free to add your own.

Before we begin, let me offer a spoiler warning. I’ll reveal significant plot points in each of the following movies, so if you don’t want to know, stop reading now.

The Ring

As a horror film, The Ring is a home run. It’s got everything — abstract, disturbing symbolism, a gradual crescendo of creepiness, a fun mystery to solve and edge-of-you-seat tension. The villain, young Samara, is also the victim of her evil mother, making her more interesting than a one-dimensional killing machine.

Plus, there’s just something extra creepy about demonic kids.

My favorite part is Samara herself. The way she moves is so unnatural; it’s jerky, her body contorts as she scales the well and her vision is unhampered by the black hair that covers her face. Plus, to see a 10-year-old girl, which I consider the epitome of innocence, depicted as a homicidal, undead demon, well … that’s just wrong.

The Haunting

Forget that God-awful remake from 1999. The original 1963 version of The Haunting is fantastic.

By the time insecure, timid Eleanor leaves Boston to take part in the scientific exploration of a haunted house under the direction of a psychologist with an interest in the occult, you’re ready for some action.

There’s no blood in this one, few startling moments and no sex. However, it does have plenty of scares.

Right away, the group of volunteers and Dr. Markway suspect that Elanor’s jumpy nature is responsible for the frightening events she’s reporting. Eventually, they’re all proven wrong.

My favorite part is the climactic scene. Trapped in a large bedroom, the gang cowers as deafening pounding eminates from an unseen source. Finally, the noise stops and the door knob begins to slowly turn. Finding the door locked, the evil on the other side tires to force its way into the room, causing the door and the walls to bulge inward. It’s a great scene. I couldn’t find it on YouTube, but here’s the original trailer.

The Wicker Man (1973)

Again, avoid the unwatchable remake. The original from 1973 is a whole lot of fun.

Christopher Lee is terrific (as usual) as Lord Summerisle, the owner of a small, Scottish island. When a police officer (Sgt. Howie) arrives from the mainland to investigate the disappearance of a young girl, he receives no cooperation from the locals. As the plot progresses, the viewer is deceived right along with Sgt. Howie, who only discovers in his final moments that he’s been sent on a wild goose chase … to his own demise.

The climactic scene is horrifying. The townsfolk murmur a cultist chant as Sgt. Howie is forced, screaming, into the enormous straw man that will be his fiery coffin.

The image of the “wicker man” itself is the best part. It’s faceless, motionless and silent. You know what it’s for as soon as it appears, as does Sgt. Howie. His death is awful and merciless. A great movie.

The Grudge

Another great Japanese export. A young home health aide is sent to care for an old woman who lives in a house with a violent history. Years before, a man murdered his unfaithful wife, young son and family pet in a furious rage. The energy of the assault clings to the house, as do the ghosts of the woman and boy, infecting all who enter.

The back story is revealed gradually and the visuals in The Grudge are great. The deformed ghost of the murdered woman crawling down the stairs on all fours like an animal, uttering a guttural rattle (the result of a crushed larynx) stays with you for days. I’m telling you, that “uhhhhhhhh” noise she makes is impossible to forget.

There’s a great scene in which the woman Sarah is caring for suddenly becomes terrified. Sarah looks around the room, but can’t determine what she’s afraid of. The camera pans to the corner of the wall and the ceiling and reveals a black, swirling visage of a woman with flowing black hair. It’s great, and very creepy.

The Shining

Remember when I said this list was in no particular order? Well, I lied; I saved the best for last.

Kubrick is my all-time favorite director, and The Shining is my 2nd favorite Kubrick film (the first is 2001). So many of the film’s images have become iconic: The twins in the hallway, “Redrum” on the door, Danny talking to his finger. However, not a single moment has lost its punch.

Jack’s descent into madness is so beautifully played by Nicholson and so thoughtfully shot by Kubrick, it’s undeniable. Watch this scene between Jack and Grady in the bathroom. It begins with Jack on the right and Grady on the left. Jack asks if he’s the former caretaker, and Grady answers no. At this point, Grady is the subordinate butler hand-cleaning Jack’s coat.

Jack presses him, and Grady finally confesses his identity. At precisely that moment, the camera switches places to the other side of the room, so that the scene is “flipped.” Now Jack is helpless talking to the ghost of the murderous, former caretaker of the hotel.

Notice the symmetry of the shot as well. The perspective narrows between the urinals on the left and the sinks on the right. Kubrick puts his subjects dead center so our attention is focused directly on them. He did the same with the twins above. The Shining scares me every time I see it, and I’ve seen it many times.

Movies I’d like to see

• Shiver looks pretty good.
• Suspiria has been on my list for a long time.
• Audition is horrifying, from what I gather. Japanese horror rules.
• Dark Water. Yet another Japanese export.

When I was in Jr. High and high school, I wanted nothing more than to create special effects for movies, especially stop motion. Beautiful shorts like this make me wish I had followed through. Click “HD” and watch it in full screen. It’s wonderful.

Listen here (Mp3).

Download it here.

Be proud, my Scranton brothers and sisters. We come from the worst place on earth!

Biden’s bit about Scranton is the funniest thing I ever heard.

Much thanks to Chris Gillis and Ged Maheux for taking the time to help me out.

While you’re here, try it!

An iPhone runs Digital Clock [App Store link] while resting in a home made stand. Cute idea, actually.

I’m ready for tonight’s Vice Presidential debate. Are you?

Update: So close!