Dave Caolo

I love Scranton, Pennsylvania. The way Di Nero loves NYC. The way Bostonians love David Ortiz. I love it.

I love the endless rows of nearly-identical homes wrapped in faded aluminum siding. I love slate sidewalks. I love sitting on the front porch, the fake “grass” underfoot and talking to the neighbor across the street who’s sitting on his porch, for hours at a time.

I love the chili dogs served at St. Ann’s Novena. Travel the entire planet and you’ll not find a tastier combination of hot dog, bun, chili and mustard. Served on their own, each ingredient is ordinary, but the combined result is transcendent. Don’t ask me how.

I love that I can still recall skits performed by 107 DJs Daniels and Webster when I was in jr. high school because they were that damn funny. I love that the Christmas lights in the Times Tower never come down.

I love a city populated by 70,000 honest, hard-working blue collar people who want to put in a week’s labor, catch a Yankees game, grab a tray from Maroni’s, bring the kids to Nay Aug and go to bed content with happy children, bills paid and friends and family nearby.

I love that while my wife and I were touring Italy for our honeymoon, she turned to me upon entering a small, family store selling meats and cheeses and said, “Wow, this is just like Catalano’s.”

I love buying bootlegs in The Electric Mind Shaft. I love Electric Mary. I love people who remember Skateaway, Hatchy Milatchy and Manny Goron. I love the IGA and South Side bowl. I love driving down Fireman’s Hill with the lights off.

I know that you love Scranton, too. Really love it. Let’s talk about Scranton. What do you love? The comments are now open.

Last week was my daughter’s birthday party. One of her friends gave her a Vtech Kidzoom digital camera. It shoots still pictures at 2 MP and video at standard def. I got a 2GB SD card from the drug store for $15 to use with it, and now it’s good to go.

The ridiculous part is the built-in video games. It isn’t enough that you’re a 6-year-old with your own digital camera. A camera that shoots 2GB worth of video, too. Now my kids use the thing not as a camera, but as … you guessed it … a poor man’s Nintendo DS.

My first camera was a piece-of-garbage pinhole that I made with my cub scout troop. It was fragile to the point of being self-destructive and produced “photographs” in the technical sense only. And I was thrilled to have it.

But this isn’t a post about how I walked 30 miles to school in the snow uphill both ways. It’s about the manufacturers who think that a child will only be interested in a toy that talks, blinks, walks, flies, makes pancakes, drives a car and opens time rifts. Matchbox cars make their own engine noises. Push a button in Barbie’s back and she talks for you. We raise these bland children with no creativity and then wonder why we get shitty movies like Gigli.

Give my children credit for being the intelligent, creative individuals that they are. They don’t need any prompting. Leave the soul-crushing to their teachers.

When I was a young man in Scranton, I had a friend who used the phrase “I don’t mean that in a bad way” to give himself permission to say horrible things. For example,

“I saw that painting your sister made and it just doesn’t do anything for me. It needs a lot of work. Of course, I don’t mean that in a bad way.”

I see something similar in the blogoshhpere and it makes me nuts. Specifically, there’s an unwritten rule that says you can write anything you want in a headline as long as it ends with a question mark. For example:

“New iPhone made in Korea, will feature 1024×768 display?”*

When I see this headline in a feed reader, I’ll quickly glance at it, sometimes missing the punctuation. Plus, it’s not even written as a question.

“Will new iPhones be made in Korea, feature an improved display?”

Instead, it’s a statement with a question marked tacked on. It looks like you’re stating a fact. Here’s my request. Preface the title of rumor posts with “Rumor:” (MacDailyNews does it).

“Rumor: New iPhones be made in Korea, feature an improved display”

Better yet, don’t write them.

*I made that one up. Here’s a real example.